A new home? Possibly?

We found a beautiful house today! It's out of our price range, but we could handle it. The house has been completely remodeled from the ground up, everything is new. It has a beautiful wooden wrap around porch, all tile floor, it comes with all the appliances (in black) & it's three bedroom & two bathroom. I absolutely adore it & Justin seemed to like it too. We called & left a message, hopefully they'll call us in the morning. We house hunted all day & that was the only decent place, almost $200 over our budget. There's nothing available right now, even all of the apartment complexes are full. Well, except for one new complex that's really nice & we tried to look at it, but I wasn't aware that it was income based & Justin makes $20,000 over the budget.

We were supposed to see baby number two for the first time today but I had to cancel because my insurance is still pending. They said they would still see me, but they suggested I wait since we were going to have to pay $600 up front. I stressed that I'm around twelve weeks & haven't had any prenatal care, but she assured me that if I'm not cramping or bleeding & I'm taking my prenatal vitamins, then I should be fine. She told me to just reschedule when my insurance comes through, but just in case I'm going to go ahead & make an appointment in two weeks, insurance or not. That's just way too long without making sure everything is okay, in my opinion.

Since we were out running errands all day I missed a lot of time with Stella. She stayed with my mom so we could go house to house without her having a complete meltdown. Whenever I finally got home to see her she was just so precious. She has the fattest face when she smiles, she looks just like her Uncle Jesse, my brother. She sat in her seat in the living room & had beef stroganoff & corn & applesauce for dinner with some decaffeinated unsweet tea! While she ate she watched The Voice with us. She LOVES that show, she just loves music but she came by that honestly. 

After her dinner she had a bath & since she kind of has a small diaper rash we let her roam around without her suffocating diaper on. It was probably about ten minutes later that it hit me that she was being very quiet...not a good sign with her. I looked over at her & noticed that she had pooped all over herself & the floor & was just playing in it, wiping it all over her. How did that happen so fast?! I was mortified! Of course she had to have another bath & after that I had to scrub the carpet, which was a very horrible job. UGH.

That's my girl <3

Much needed family time.

This weekend was so relaxing & just what I needed. Well, it's what we all needed. Justin was home from work the entire weekend which allowed me to get some mommy stuff done. I finally went through with my hair appointment & that alone puts a smile on my face. Fresh color & a new cut would make any woman happy! I also went to Sally's & stocked  up on new make up since I was running low on basically everything. Oh, & I did my nails! Hahaha, I feel so refreshed & girly. 

Friday was just a lazy relaxation night. Justin & I went & bought cherry Icees & popcorn & watched Water for Elephants since neither one of us had seen it before. My pregnancy appetite started to hit at around 2:00 am so of course I went to Whataburger & got some breakfast--Breakfast on a Bun w/ sausage & syrup. Ha! When I came back home Stella was awake playing with her toys in the living room. That's her fourth night in a row to wake up & want to play. It doesn't help that Justin gets her even more riled up instead of trying to comfort her & calm her to get her back to sleep. It can be extremely frustrating. 

On Saturday Stella stayed with her Mimi & Justin took us out to dinner. Unfortunately that's where our night ended, we were so tired afterwards that we came straight home & passed out. I'm sure we were both just in a food coma, too much shrimp. Although, I don't think such a thing exists.

Today was so much fun, I love days spent as a family since it's usually just me & Dink because of Justin's work schedule. The three of us went to Texas Roadhouse for lunch & I swear Stella is a bottomless pit. She had an entire roll, all of the eggs out of my salad, an entire kid's cup of water, half of her bowl of mac & cheese & her applesauce! She behaved very well too. She sat right next to Ma'am & kept giving me big sloppy kisses during the entire meal. Oh my, it just melted my heart. Once Stella was done eating though, she was ready to get out of there. She let everyone know too by screaming at the top of her lungs & grabbing food off of the table & tossing it everywhere. Needless to say, we asked for the check! Luckily though, we had already finished eating at that time. 

Once we were done eating Justin surprised me by taking me shopping for some new clothes. Every day I struggle to find something to wear because all of my clothes are either too small or fit me awkwardly. I'm too big for my current clothes but way too small for any kind of maternity outfits, so he was thoughtful & took me to go buy some things today (: Then the three of us went to get ice cream & again, came home & passed out. 

Now Stella is having sweet dreams & Justin is at work. I'm probably about to lay down soon (surprise) because I have my first OB/GYN appointment tomorrow!

 Dinky with her big blues & bed head.

 Just some goodies that Justin bought for me (:

 We were just acting like idiots out on the back swing.

I love him, so much.

Just late night blabbering.

Stella is finally in bed, I'm not sure if she's sleeping or not. After a warm bottle, pj's & an hour of rocking her with no sign of sleepiness, I just had to lay her down. Since birth she has slept in her crib & she has never had a problem going to sleep on her own. When it's time for bed, we do our bedtime routine which consists of bath time, pajamas, a bottle, & then I lay her in her bed. She's usually passed out within fifteen minutes. NOT ANYMORE. For about three weeks now she demands to be rocked...to drowsiness. She will never fall asleep in your arms. Now, if I even try to lay her in her crib (like before) she will sit in there & play for who knows how long, I've never tested it! One night she did keep herself occupied for an entire hour. I was also trying to go to sleep but I kept getting up periodically to check on her, because she just wouldn't relax, in hopes that she would doze off. After an hour, I had to put her in her bed in our room. That was close to a month ago & that phase hasn't passed. 

We had music class tonight & I thought it was a lot of fun. I teach it, along with my mother. Last night we downloaded a lot of new music & brainstormed on some new activities & props to freshen up the class. Needless to say, tonight was really cute & fun! Usually music class is one of Dinky's favorite things. She adores music & moving along with it. She has really great rhythm which she did not get from me, that's 100% her dad. Since she has become such a pro at crawling & climbing on things though, she hasn't really enjoyed music class; being confined to one place & everything. Tonight she just wanted to do her own thing. Since music class is supposed be fun & a form a free expression, we let her go for it! 

Afterwards, Stella was tired so she ended up going to her Mimi's while Justin & I went out to eat. We chose to go to a Chinese buffet, only because my pregnancy cravings were so strong for it. Once we got there, I didn't even finish one plate. ONE PLATE, BUFFET? Yes, a complete waste of money when you think about it. Justin & I had a really nice time during dinner. I don't think we have talked that much or laughed so hard with each other in awhile (we have a lot of stressful situations active in our lives right now). It was very nice.

I don't plan on pulling an all nighter tonight, although this "Women Who Kill" marathon is catching my attention. I have to wake up to go get my hair cut & colored. I will say it now, I am so very excited. I've had to cancel this hair appointment twice now. Once because Stella had a stomach virus, poor baby, & once because Stella was acting like a devil child. Finally, I get to have a Mommy Day & I might even grab a nice lunch for myself while I'm out. I might get crazy & paint my nails! Justin is off work this weekend, which also makes me very giddy. He works a very strenuous schedule, only getting two days off every month. When he is home from work it is always such a treat. I hate that his schedule is so horrible, but I'm extremely grateful that he provides & takes care of his family the way he does, allowing me to stay at home with our daughter. 

Since he's going to be home I'm sure we'll start packing up our house. We are moving out of our second home in nine months. That's insanity, right? I think we've finally learned our lesson that old, quirky & charming doesn't mix with young kids. Not Stella or the one on the way. We've decided that we're actually going to downsize too.....eeeeeek! Horrible! We are going from a 3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath, living room & den, fenced in back yard brick home to an....................APARTMENT. Yes, we are leaving our home for a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom nothing-special apartment. We're having a lot of problems with our old, rusty rental now, so we figured an apartment would be an easy solution. They're usually always available, they have appliances (we don't have any we can take with us), & most importantly NEW & CLEAN. We just figured we will move into a worry free, easy apartment temporarily (6 month lease) while we search for our first home to buy as a family! We just really want to take our time looking & buying a home for our children & ourselves, & we can always extend our apartment lease if we have to. 

Well, that's about all that I have on my mind right now & baby number two is telling me to go snoop around in the kitchen. Ugh, I hope I don't gain 100 lbs. with this pregnancy like I did with Stella....

Her "music class is so annoying" phase....

Today has been a day wasted.

Dinky (Stella) did not sleep last night. Usually this wouldn't be a problem for me because I'm a fan of staying up late, but once it starts to hit 5:00 am or anything after that....I need sleep. She kept waking up pretty much every two hours, just to wake up. She didn't want to eat, she didn't feel bad. She just wanted to sit in my lap & watch TV with me. We ended up snuggling in the recliner with a quilt, all the lights off & watched Fried Green Tomatoes. I will admit, although I was very tired at this point, I enjoyed it. Stella does not like to give love. She's not one to snuggle or be sweet or just relax, even.

At only 10 months, she is already pretty hyper active. I'm not a young first time mother who thinks her child is out of control simply because I'm not experienced with children. I'm very experienced, actually. I've worked in child care for the past five years. I'm well aware that it is just my child, which admittedly, she probably gets it from her dad. She only wants to play, she is constantly on the go. Getting her to sleep has become increasingly difficult because she has a hard time taking a second to slow down. She is always moving, always, always, always talking. Even in her sleep, she's never fully asleep. Dink also has a little naughty streak, which I suspect will only get worse with age. She's well aware of the meaning of no. But many times throughout the day, if I leave the room, I'll come back to find her doing something that she isn't supposed to. Only to see her stop as soon as she sees me, because she knows it's wrong. She's very smart. She's also very stubborn & she has the art of a tantrum down to a science. She has two emotions & two emotions only. She's either very, so extremely, obnoxiously happy OR she is down, as low as it gets, extremely dramatic, screaming & yelling. As you can see, she keeps me on my toes.

Last night was a very rare thing, getting all of this sweet love from her. I was rocking her with the quilt covering one side of her head, because she enjoyed that as a newborn, & I just started to think of the first few weeks of her beautiful life. Having all of those memories rush back was very heartwarming & made me anxious for our next child to be born. I will say though, I don't know how it's possible to love someone as much as I love Stella. People have been doing it since the beginning of time though, so I guess it's my turn to see for myself.

Dinky didn't 100% go down until almost 9:00 this morning. Oh my dear, it was horrible! Needless to say, this Ma'am went down with her. Side note-Stella doesn't call me mom, mommy, or mama. She calls me "Ma'am" for some reason! We both ended up sleeping until 3:30 this afternoon. I'm not really complaining, we both needed sleep or else no one would be able to handle us, but I just hate the fact that we wasted so much of our day. Not to mention I had some errands to run today that I didn't get to, hopefully tomorrow isn't too late.

Now us girls are going to finally get dressed & we're going to go to music class. Stella being the student & me being the teacher. We'll meet up with her dad, who has been sleeping since he works nights, & he will be the parent during music class. Sometimes we pretend that we don't even know each other, it can add a little excitement, hahahah. Afterwards, we'll probably go out to eat as a family, since that's what we do on Thursday nights & once dad is off to work & the little one is bathed & asleep, I'll probably stay up ridiculously late watching old episodes of House & I'm okay with that!

It's a personal situation, but it breaks my heart.

It's 1:30 AM & my night is just beginning. I swear I'm in a daze all day & then as soon as the late hours hit I'M ALIVE!!! 

This happens to be the third night in a row that I've found myself thinking about Paige. Paige is my fiance's (Justin) six year old niece. She is currently living with his parents, her grandparents. They officially adopted her shortly after Rachel, Justin's older sister & Paige's mom, passed away. I find myself thinking about her because I feel such sadness for her. Not just because her mother has passed on or because her biological father doesn't have a relationship with her, but also because of her situation now. 

I just want to state that Justin's parents are people who actually have never been fit parents. They weren't to their own children back in their youthful days, & they aren't to their granddaughter now. His mother & father have done many horrible things as parents, they have made poor & irrational decisions time & time again. Plus, his mother is mentally ill. Those stories are for a rainy day though. This is about Paige.

Paige is six years old & she already takes Clonidine (for hyper activity) & Melatonin (to get her to sleep). Justin's mother also forcibly drugged all four of her own children. Again, another issue for me to rant about at a later date. Paige has no friends, only the friends that she sees for a few hours at school. Paige is six years old & has never stayed the night away from her adoptive parents. When I was pregnant with Stella, my daughter, Paige was ecstatic. She would only talk about Stella's arrival all day every day. Getting to play with Stella, her & Stella staying the night with each other. Shortly after Stella was born Justin's mom & myself had a very big falling out. I mean, HUGE, GIGANTIC, ENORMOUS, falling out. A rift so bad that almost a year later it's still active. Because of this, Stella & Justin's parents don't have a relationship. We made that decision for the safety & well being of our child. Unfortunately though, this means that Paige also has no relationship with Stella. She has probably only seen Stella a handful of times & actually forgets who she even is sometimes.

I didn't mean to leave Paige in the dust. I never wanted that from this situation, but, it's a very complicated & impossible situation. Justin's mother is an impossible & irrational woman. Paige is a very beautiful girl. She is extremely intelligent & very funny. She's also missing out on a childhood. Her childhood is already abnormal because of the passing of her mother & neglectfulness of her father, but Justin's parents are making it worse.

They told her Santa wasn't real, neither are the Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny. Why? Well, because "Why should those imaginary figures get to take credit for things I do?" Yes, his mother said that, she's very self absorbed. Paige talks openly about male & female private parts & about death. She has no problem blurting out that her mother was a "drug addict" who died from "taking so many pills!" She also talks about how much she "HATES OBAMA!" I'm sorry, but I feel like they have taken so much from her. It's great to be intelligent & aware of what's going on around you, but I personally feel like she is already too mature. Maybe my childhood was a little sugar coated, but that's okay. I remember having a fun & highly imaginative childhood without a care in the world! The way it should be. As I grew, I learned & experienced. Isn't that what growing up is? I just feel like that have stolen a lot of her innocence from her.

Paige has no one. Since Justin & I aren't in contact with them, Paige only has her grandparents. Her grandfather, who is hard working man & who gets tired. Her grandmother, a very depressed & bitter woman who can hardly stand to get out of bed every day. That household is unfit. I feel like they're ruining her, like they have ruined the rest of their children. There I said it.

I wish she could live with us. I want to save her, I want to care for her & love her & give her everything that she needs & wants. It's just not fair for her.

Paige & Stella during Christmas.

Paige & Stella the day after Stella was born.

Here's a little somethin' about me.

Okay, so basically I am a mother whose peak hours are at night. I am a night owl & it happens to be one of the most annoying traits. It's especially annoying when you have a 10 month old who wants to wake up at 8:30. I know, I really shouldn't complain because 8:30 isn't really that early. WELL, to someone so sucked into the night as myself, 8:30 is like waking me up at the crack of dawn. Especially with another baby one the way, I'm increasingly exhausted. I guess I forgot to mention that yes, I am a mother of a 10 month old daughter & I am indeed pregnant again! I'm still in my first trimester. 

I guess I'm starting this blog because I'm a mom who loves to gab about her super adorbs. & rambunctious daughter. I guess I'm starting this blog because I'm pregnant & I'm actually worried about it & I want to talk about it. I guess I'm starting this blog because I'm young & in love with the most hilarious human being & I enjoy sharing the absurd things that come out of his mouth. I could be starting this blog because I need a place to vent, we all need to vent sometime. Actually, maybe I'm starting this blog because I'm an insomniac & my lover works nights & my sweet baby sleeps so I'm bored out of my mind. Who REALLY knows.