It's a personal situation, but it breaks my heart.

It's 1:30 AM & my night is just beginning. I swear I'm in a daze all day & then as soon as the late hours hit I'M ALIVE!!! 

This happens to be the third night in a row that I've found myself thinking about Paige. Paige is my fiance's (Justin) six year old niece. She is currently living with his parents, her grandparents. They officially adopted her shortly after Rachel, Justin's older sister & Paige's mom, passed away. I find myself thinking about her because I feel such sadness for her. Not just because her mother has passed on or because her biological father doesn't have a relationship with her, but also because of her situation now. 

I just want to state that Justin's parents are people who actually have never been fit parents. They weren't to their own children back in their youthful days, & they aren't to their granddaughter now. His mother & father have done many horrible things as parents, they have made poor & irrational decisions time & time again. Plus, his mother is mentally ill. Those stories are for a rainy day though. This is about Paige.

Paige is six years old & she already takes Clonidine (for hyper activity) & Melatonin (to get her to sleep). Justin's mother also forcibly drugged all four of her own children. Again, another issue for me to rant about at a later date. Paige has no friends, only the friends that she sees for a few hours at school. Paige is six years old & has never stayed the night away from her adoptive parents. When I was pregnant with Stella, my daughter, Paige was ecstatic. She would only talk about Stella's arrival all day every day. Getting to play with Stella, her & Stella staying the night with each other. Shortly after Stella was born Justin's mom & myself had a very big falling out. I mean, HUGE, GIGANTIC, ENORMOUS, falling out. A rift so bad that almost a year later it's still active. Because of this, Stella & Justin's parents don't have a relationship. We made that decision for the safety & well being of our child. Unfortunately though, this means that Paige also has no relationship with Stella. She has probably only seen Stella a handful of times & actually forgets who she even is sometimes.

I didn't mean to leave Paige in the dust. I never wanted that from this situation, but, it's a very complicated & impossible situation. Justin's mother is an impossible & irrational woman. Paige is a very beautiful girl. She is extremely intelligent & very funny. She's also missing out on a childhood. Her childhood is already abnormal because of the passing of her mother & neglectfulness of her father, but Justin's parents are making it worse.

They told her Santa wasn't real, neither are the Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny. Why? Well, because "Why should those imaginary figures get to take credit for things I do?" Yes, his mother said that, she's very self absorbed. Paige talks openly about male & female private parts & about death. She has no problem blurting out that her mother was a "drug addict" who died from "taking so many pills!" She also talks about how much she "HATES OBAMA!" I'm sorry, but I feel like they have taken so much from her. It's great to be intelligent & aware of what's going on around you, but I personally feel like she is already too mature. Maybe my childhood was a little sugar coated, but that's okay. I remember having a fun & highly imaginative childhood without a care in the world! The way it should be. As I grew, I learned & experienced. Isn't that what growing up is? I just feel like that have stolen a lot of her innocence from her.

Paige has no one. Since Justin & I aren't in contact with them, Paige only has her grandparents. Her grandfather, who is hard working man & who gets tired. Her grandmother, a very depressed & bitter woman who can hardly stand to get out of bed every day. That household is unfit. I feel like they're ruining her, like they have ruined the rest of their children. There I said it.

I wish she could live with us. I want to save her, I want to care for her & love her & give her everything that she needs & wants. It's just not fair for her.

Paige & Stella during Christmas.

Paige & Stella the day after Stella was born.